Khutbah Jumaat

Tatkala...

Khatib tekun menyampaikn isi hati...

Aku juga berjuang untuk mendapatkan rahmat abadi...

Ku bertarung, demi agama yang suci...

Menlingkari tubuh yang gagah ini...

Walau masjid mane pon aku pergi

Ternyata...

Syaiton nirojim lebih power!

aku tidur lagi...

Pizza Hut

Well the other day..

Stelah penat ak n member lepak...

kitorg rase lapar n masuk r pizza hut...

then order r one large pizza...

Waiter : "Encik, pizzanya nak dipotong 4 atau 6 keping?"

Membe aku : " Hmmmm....potong empat saja lah, kalau potong 6 takut x abes plak"

Waiter : ???

*tepuk dahi

Jawab telefon

Lately...

slalu org kol aku...

tapi aku pon xknal...

die tanye aku ni nombor 013*******ke?

heran btol aku...

apehal la bangang sngt...

sbb da tension layan, aku pon jawab r...

"ermm...cube kol saye skali lagi n kalau saye gak yg jawab, maknenye betol la tuh..."

*bodoh, xkan die xtau nombor ap yg die tekan?

Patient

Gua admire r kat bapak gua satu bende...

Sume die da inherit kat gua...kehenseman, kepandaian, kemacoan...

tp satu bende nih je die x inherit...

iaitu kesabaran..

aku rase dielah orang paaaaaaling penyabar dlm dunie ni..

sebab ape?

sebab walaupon da lebih 25 tahun kawen....

camnelahhhh bapak gua leh tahan bebelan, leteran, pok pek pok pek mak gua dr dulu!

Ya Allah! pening...kalah azwan ali tau x...

ayoyo......

hahaha...sorry ma,

nanti raye mintak maaf lagi!...

kuang...kuang...kuang...

Kaki Botol

Hmmph...

bising r dak2 nih...

aku tau la...aku da 20 tahun...

senyap2 suda...nanti kalau sumerg tau aku bawak,

kalau kantoi..nahas r aku

xleh r aku teguk sorang2...

da r aku beli sebotol je every week..

seb bek botol besar...tapi abes gak

itupun nak keco ke...aduyai..

nak minum ribena everyday pon susah...

kaye ngan vitamin C kot!

bising2 tapi paw aku gak! ish...

My wives

Have you ever dreamed that u wud get 2 wives at one time?

better not!

Coz i noe how its feels like to have two super duper crazy wives...

one, luv to be with me and the other luv to stay close all the time...

one, can give me 'headache' and the other make me 'throw up'...

one, will never kiss me and the other surely want to slap me...

and one always be mad n angry, while the other can membebel non-stop stiap ari...

but both surely, will jealous of the other bini..

and the best thing that could happen is of coz...

a catfight..meowww....(tarik2 rambut)

everyone luvs catfight isnt it? hahaha...

however no matter what happen...

you two are the best damn thing dat happen in my life rite now...

my very bestfriend and of coz, my dear girlfren...

i love both of you..

haha...

*no offenses guys muahahaha...

Absolute Truth

Hah~

God Allah Tuhan

Isu yg sangat fakap...

Bodohla politicians...lagi buat org confuse ade r...

x slamat iman aku skrg bai...

Shrinker

Dah name pon manusia...

'Memg x suke bende yg patut didengar...

Tp hanye suke bende yg sedap didengar'...

Come on la men...

Jngn jadi pengecut...

Princess Wannabe

Member aku penah citer~

Kat sek die dulu...
ade sorg minah ni ade pakej 3G~
Gedik Gemok Gatal
But die ni slalu prasan die tu hot...cam tuan putri r...
baaaapak xtahannnn....
So disebabkn dah mls nk layan...
budak2 ni accept je r die as putri...
tp bukan putri gunung ledang ke ape...
'Putri Gunung Berapi'

hahahahaha~

Smokin Hot

Every year... as usual...

The governtment will raise up the cigarrate price...
yeah..yeah...this is a big common issue...

Now..it costs RM6.40 per pack...
what the?? briyani is cheaper!!

The aim is to stop people from smoking and live a healthy lifestyle...u believe them? naahhh...

that's just a cover to raise up the economy...

becoz they noe that no one will stop smoking...

and everyone will keep on buying...yeah..thats true
and you'll hear all smokers keep on droppin the F-bomb here and there~ haha

so the one who shud be grateful is of coz...

the non-smokers...

u noe why?

becoz this issue is not bout them...they have nothing to loose but their country's economy will continue to rise and rise each and every year...
so...thank you smokers~

Kiss kiss Bang Bang

One of my best fren, a guitarist, slalu cakap...

"haha nanti aku bawak gitar letrik aku..bile jamming, baru band kite gempak!"

Then as vocalist, aku pon cakap r...

"xpe2, nanti aku bawak pulak mic letrik... confirm gempak"

"huh!?...ade ke mic xpakai letrik?"

"ader...mic dlm jamban...natural punya"~

S.A.D.

Well...
when u'r sad...
all the things around you would become horrible...
i can sense nothing...n i could only focus nothing...
nothing at all...it sucks!
dont knoe why...
but i could feel that i'm no one in this universe...maybe useless...

becoz i'm 'alone'...feelin lonely...
although i'm standin in the middle of 'them'..
i cannot be seen...
with my heart stop beating n my lungs stop breathing...
i'm feelin guilty throughout the week...yeah, the whole week...fuck!is this my bad week?
or i'm the bad one?
if i could tell anyone bout this...i'm glad...but i better not
coz i'm sad...VERY VERY sad...now
n i meant it...

Stylo

Sumerang ade style die sendr...
ade yg blagak maco r..
bajet hensem r...
buat style tudung lilit laa...
tudung terbelit laa...
but i think.... that's not a problem at all...
coz diff people diff style r kan...
kalau x..bosan r dunie nih nnti...
so jngn r komplen...
if i'm VERY cerewet with style~

hahaha...